The sad: A young couple recently got divorced not because they had problems with each other, but because the girl’s husband’s mother was interfering in their personal relationship and even in her son’s career decisions.
The bad: The mother just didn't know where to draw the line and let her son and daughter-in-law find their own solutions.
The fact: About one in 10 divorces in Britain are caused due to interfering in-laws. 11% of the couples blame in-laws for their failed marriages.
What to learn from this: Children are individuals in their own right. They must learn to find solutions to their problems right from a very young age. Parents can guide them, but don’t do it in such a way that your child becomes incapable of handling his own problems. You are only hindering your child’s growth and perhaps his future, by interfering.
Children fall when they learn to walk; it is natural, because God meant it to be that way. You cannot forever hold your children’s hand so he learns to walk without falling, can you? How long will you hold his hand? Similarly, you must prepare your child to face the problems he might encounter in life.
It is not possible to protect him from all the dangers in life. The world is a minefield; you can make him aware of the dangers and help him find a solution. Then trust him to take off from there. Imagine a parent who rushes to pick the pacifier the toddler just popped out of its mouth.
If the parent leaves the toddler to figure it on his own, he will learn, eventually. It takes time, but you are teaching your child not to wait for you to come and solve his problem, right from a very young age. It may seem trivial, but that’s how it starts.
It is important to learn, as parents, when to draw the time and when to provide assistance. But at the same time, it is also important to let your child know you are there, hovering in the background, providing guidance, support and love.
The problem with most parents is that they keep helping their children to do everything in life, and they forget to draw the line. It slowly becomes a habit, and it never stops. When these children marry and start their own lives, parents forget to stop interfering because it has already become a habit and so on.
Most parents, out of concern for their children, and to get their chores done quickly, do everything for them, making the children totally incapable. A 6-year can dress on his own; don’t do it for him. An 8-year old can tie his own shoes; let him do it.
The shoelace coming off and the buttons on the shirt becoming loose as a result of improper fastening are minor problems, but when your child learns to solve them on his own, he completes a milestone. He doesn’t need the teacher or you to do it for him. Little achievements like this will make him confident in life and career.
The aim of school projects is not only to improve the academic knowledge of the child, but also to invoke the creative spirit in him. The next time your child comes with a challenging school project, don’t do it for him, but instead provide subtle guidance and assistance.
Through creative thinking, the child will be able to generate new ideas and become fluent thinkers where he will come up with more than one practical idea to complete the project.
Whenever your child faces a problem, encourage him to discuss it with you. Talking about the problem will help him solve it with a clear head. Together you can focus on the issue and the solutions that come along with you.
Let the child take the lead and whenever he comes up with solutions, you can gently tell him why the solution may or may not be feasible. Let the child feel that he has found the solution to the problem on his own accord.
As a parent, your role would be to provide a responsive, accepting and encouraging attitude. Allow your child to choose activities based on his age and give him plenty of time to choose activities he is interested in. Your roles should be something like:
A lot of problems can be solved if parents follow certain dos and don’ts. Here are some examples of that:What parents should not be doing
It may seem easier to jump in and help your child solve his problems, and many parents due to their impatience, and looking for the easiest way out, do it (finding solutions) for them; they do not want to wait, while their children go through a maze of problems.
Parents definitely cannot bear it when they know they have a solution in hand, and their children seem to struggle. When you step in, it is hindering their capability to think and act practically. The size of the problem is never too big or small because it is the mind that makes it big or small. Sometimes, non-verbal support can also help in a major way.
A smile or a nod from you will put the child on the path to solution.
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